So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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