a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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