I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
