Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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