She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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