i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
