He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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