this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
