They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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