They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
