This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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