My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
