alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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