I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize