Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
