I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
