That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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