I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
