final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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