gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
