I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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