it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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