Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
