Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
