dude i'm inner monologue high
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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