You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
