what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
