i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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