You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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