So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
