I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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