the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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