I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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