she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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