Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
