Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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