He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
