the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
