My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
