what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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