I'm going to jail i love you
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
