Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
