im about as happy as oj after his trial
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
