His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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