Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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