Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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