I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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