You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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