My hand turned me down
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
