I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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