Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
