A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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