Please, let me fuck your mom
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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