I want to make a zoo with you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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