I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
