i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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