he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
