I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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