and she was petting her beer can
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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