Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
wow bdsm is so cute
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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