so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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