you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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