dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
