so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
