I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
