There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Two words: blizzard sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
