He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sext me about skeletons
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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