Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
