then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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