Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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