Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
