i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
