If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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