Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
