I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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