I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
