her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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