what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
