It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
