I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
