Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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