i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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