Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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