She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
