sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
