Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
