My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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